I Rise...I Fall...I Rise Back Up

Cleaning is like chicken soup for the soul. When I have something going on in my head cleaning is way to kind of sort them out because even though cleaning is a constructive activity is at the same time a "mindless" activity. You see dirt you clean, there isn't really anything to think about other than what product or the other that you may be using to achieve your goal. Anyhow I went to work to fax some papers to Nikon and I saw the store was a bit of a mess so I vacuumed and did some cleaning.

while i was vacumming a friend of mine texted me about a run in with her ex-boyfriend. So between the texts and while we were texting I was thinking about the subject of her love. She thinks her ex-boyfriend still loves her even though he is (from my observations ) mentally abusive to her. I guess when she sees him in person everything is ok but when they talk on the phone (he lives far away) there is nothing but animosity and hate. She thinks that he loves her because of what they shared in the past and the way he treats her when they are in each others presence (and his friends are around). She says he won't tell her that she loves her and in my mind if you love someone you will tell them wherever, whenever and in anyone's company. You will scream it from the rooftops no matter who's listening.

Do I think he loves her? No. Does she think that she loves him? Yes.

This got me to thinking...can what she feels for him really be love? can what he feels for her but won't admit be love? The vacuum got me thinking. I think it could really be love. I think love is the one feeling in the world which will make the most irrational of feelings seem very rational. You put two people in a relationship who have nothing in common (on the surface) and may be from two different segments of society and somehow their feelings for each other grow. What makes those feelings grow? I think it's love. Love changes the answer to so many questions. When we love someone we give them the benefit of the doubt we have a double standard for them and we basically find ways for everything they do to have some sort of tangible value.

Love rationalizes so many things. What other feeling does that?

When we are outside of a relationship we ask so many questions of what we really want in a relationship but love has the potential to change those answers.

"What I thought was true before
Were lies I couldn't see
What I thought was beautiful
Is only memories"

I really have such a fear of this feeling. I was in love before and it took me way off of my 'path" and I never noticed.