"The Real Reason For the Season"

Most of the people I hang out with aren't really too religious and I know alot of them overtly make fun of religion. The thing is the religous aspect of Christmas is probably where my feelings lie on the subject rather than the commercial/Santa aspect of Christmas. Sometime a long time ago I made a consious decision that my gifts had to be thoughtful. They had to mean something to the person I was giving them too. I just see too much of people giving gift because "its a christmas gift". I was in JC penney last week and there was a section of "Christmas Gifts". You know, the back massagers and stuff that they only pull out when you are looking for that "special" gift. Its the stuff thats in the store all year but is featured prominently when christmas rolls around. You know it's a "Christmas gift" when Walgreens and Rite Aid have displays of them as well. I just wish people would put more thought into gifts.

My friend Pete bought me this:


which was actually very thoughtful because of this dream I had earlier this year in which Pete and I were featured in a band together called "Rick Rude" that kind of stuff really means something to me.


I guess what I'm most thankful for on Christmas is the fact that one of my best friends invites me over for Christmas every year and he lets me enjoy Christmas with his family. wWe've been doing it for the last few years and it is a great way for me to celebrate the season since I don't have any family in the area and it's impossible for me to go "home" for the Holidays.

NECROSQUATCH




THE GRAIL




INTO RUIN




HYPERION BLAST

My war you're one of them
You say that you're my friend
But you're one of them

You don't want to see me live
You don't want me to give
'cause you're one of them

My war you're one of them
You say that you're my friend
But you're one of them

I might not know what a friend is
All I know is what you're not
'cause you're one of them

My war you're one of them
You say that you're my friend
But you're one of them

I have a prediction, it lives in my brain
It's with me every day, it drives me insane
I feel it in my heart, that if I has a gun
I feel it in my heart, I'd wanna kill some
I feel it in my heart, the end will come
Come on!!

My war you're one of them
You say that you're my friend
But you're one of them

Tell me that I'm wrong
Try to sing me your ego song
You're one of them

My war you're one of them
You say that you're my friend
But you're one of them

My war.

WWE Armageddon

So Sunday night my wrestling crew and I set out to go see WWE Armageddon at the HSBC arena in Buffalo.

The pictures are courtesy Jeffrey T. Barnes Photography

We made the signs and held them up in true the WWE tradition. I got a little bit crazy yelled at wrestlers and had a good old time. The only downside was seeing Jeff "The Extreme Enigma" Hardy win the WWE Championship.

WWE Armageddon Sunday

If all goes well I will be carrying these sweet signs into WWE Armageddon On Sunday.

Its 1AM forever

SO I just had this weird dream. In the dream I was hanging out with a long time friend of mine and we were having a movie night. We were watching that movie "Wall-E" . My friend turns to me and asks me if I would have a baby with someone that I wasn't married to. I told her, "Isn't that what everyone does?". So we discussed it a little bit more and I came to the conclusion that I would as along as I was in a comitted relationship with them. The conversation then got a little bit weirder. What she meant was would I have a baby with her. Basically she told me that felt like she wasn't going to have anymore meaningful relationships in her life and that she felt that she wanted to have a baby. She told me that that she liked me and I was attractive and that I would probably be a good person to have a baby with. She thought that we would make a good looking baby. I might be inclined to agree with that because she's pretty good looking herself. So I've been up for the last little while thinking about this situation.

Would I want to father a baby for someone that I wasn't in a relationship with? On Purpose? I mean plenty of people have babies like that but it's usually not by choice. Who knows what she really meant though.

I don't think that I could do that. I would want to be in a real relationship with someone I was going to have a baby with. I know I couldn't do that. When I see happy couple come into my work with their little babies I have to admit I can get a bit jealous. Not that I necessarily want to have a child with someone. It's hardly a deal breaker for me but I think i would be a more positibve thing than a negative thing for me. I think the abilty to give life to someone and to raise them is one of the greatest things in life. The ability to guide someones path in life and to leave a legacy is one of the greatest components of life. I think alot of people that are in that phase really take it for granted and don't understand the gravity of it.

It was all a dream anyway.

My Teams

Gas Chamber's First Show

Dec 6th 2008 The Argyle Buffalo, NY

The first benefit of MY Blog

Ray LaMontagne.

SO Good.



Thanks J-9

Satisfying

There is something really satisfying about owning your own domain. Not a house, I've owned one of those, nut something which is costing me less than a dollar a month.

HMNIPHOTO.COM

and

HMNIPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

This past weekend I bought those two domains and it's pretty cool. I don't kow why I didn't do it before.

I even have a cool email. mark@hmniphoto.com

Life is good....You know what they say about the simple things in life.

Otis, My Second Favorite Dog,

Guns N Roses Chinese Democracy

I would just like to say that I like the new Guns N Roses album




Alot of people are going to say it sounds like this or it sounds like that but is actually is good. Everyone says it's not 15 years good but I think that is also up for debate. We've never heard an album that has come out and been pronounced an "instant classic". You have to give this one time. I think people spend way too much time worrying about AXl's hair and ego ehen they should be looking at the content of the album. The album is very ballad heavy which for fans of appetite for destruction may not be a good thing. I think people forget that the Use Your Illusion albums existed. These albums are a logical extention of where those albums were going. I think this album is the one good album that a combination of Use Your Illusion I and II should have been.

Axl's voice is on point and that has always been the focal point of GNR.

This Guy.

I'm sure everyone has a shortlist of people that they would do anything for. I would say outside of my fam that list would include 5-10 people this man being in the top five...



When I met this guy the odds were heavily stacked against us having any sort of friendship.

This all started in the summer of 1995 when I attended the Cleveland hardcore festival of that year which was ironically hosted by one Randall Thatcher, its ironic because Randy just added me as a friend on Facebook. Anyhow during the infancy and long before the days of message boards I was on this thing called the "Straight Edge MAiling List" (or SXE-L). A mailing list was kind of like a message board but instead of going to the website where the message board was you would have all the messages sent to your email inbox, You would reply etc. and everyone would get the messages. I met alot of friends that I still have to this day on that thing. BAck to the the story...

I met alot of people from all over the country on the SXE-L and I met alot of them in person at the two big hardcore festivals in the Summer of 1995. The Columbus Fest and the Cleveland Fest. One of the people I met that summer was this girl Kim who used to write alot on the SXE-L, you could say that she was one of the most popular people on the list. So I met her at the cleveland fest and hung out with her and alot of the other SXE-L kids at the fest. It turns out that she had fallen for one of the other kids on the SXE-L, his name was Wayne. They hung out had a great time and everything was beautiful. There was only one problem Kim already had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who apparently cared a lot for her. I remember hearing some stories from kim about him being an bad guy but it was irrelevant to me at the time because whe would I ever meet this guy?

That happened a few weeks later when Kim ventured to Guelph, ON (a couple of hours from Buffalo) to hang out with Wayne. I remember getting some sort of phone call from Kim saying that she was hanging out with Wayne in Canada but that her boyfriend was freaking out. For some reason she told her boyfriend to drive from North Carolina to see her even though she was with this new guy. I don't know about anyone else but I think I would have dealt with my boyfriend upon my return "home" So she told her boyfriend Greg to come to Canada to see her even though it really seemed as if their relationship was all but over. SO greg drove up to guelph (which is about a 15 hour drive) to try to save what was left of his relationship.

SO greg arrives in Guelph and Wayne and I had to go to this mall parking lot in the middle of the night to meet him. for some reason the scene reminded me of the parking lot in the back to the future. The one in which Dr. Brown gets shot. So over the next few days I ended up getting to know Greg and I remember we (me, greg, wayne and kim) went to a hardcore show in lockport at the end of the weekend. Greg and Kims relationship was done and greg was to go back to North Carolina. I had gotten to know him over that weekend and for some reason I felt close to him. SO when he was leaving I gave him a hug. Kim didn't like the fact that I gave him a hug because I was supposed to be on her side.

anyhow to make a long story short. that hug started our friendship and 13 years later it is still one of my strongest friendships. I'm not even sure where Kim is these days.

Greg is the strongest argument I've ever been witness to for not judging people before you actually have a chance to meet them or know them.

Tofurkey Day

SO I recently posted about my thanksgiving but there actually was a good part to thanksgiving. It happened at the Farm Sanctuary's Celebration for the Turkeys. My friend Mary and I ventured down to Watkins Glen last Saturday to help celebrate those wonderful birds.

Here are some Pics:

happy thanksgiving to me

So it's thanksgiving and guess what I'm doing? Nothing...that's right nothing. I remember going to my aunts house as a little boy and thinking to myself, "I wish that I didn't have to go to my aunts house. I wish I could just stay home alone and play video games". It's 2008 and that is where I am at home and playing video games by myself. It's not as fulfilling as I would have thought. I'm 34 years old and video games are not really that fun anymore and when you live in a world where you computer screen shows you "....is ready to eat like a pig today" or "...is happy to see his family today". You get these stories via myspace and facebook and blogs and you read them all. You take them in process them and you come out with some feelings. For once I can say that I'm feeling a bit lonely. I had originally made some plans with a friend to go to the movies but sickness made that fall through. As a matter of fact me and him have made that a bit of a tradition although I can't remember what I did two years ago. The Cowboys are on now so it's a little better but I can't wait for this day to end. It's really terrible. It just feels like I've wasted a day of my existence.

Luckily I had thanksgiving at the farm sanctuary last saturday which I probably should have written about already.

Crystal Cups

The first post I write is inspired by one David Moore who for my money is the best lyricist I've ever heard. The man puts words and phrases together in a way that I think is simply magical. The lyrical content makes me jealous in a way, not because of his lyrical prowess but because of the content of what his lyrics are about. Apparently (at least from my observation) most of them are about the love of his life. My jealousy does not stem from me wanting her or anything like that but it stems from the expressiveness of his feelings for her. Listening to Chamberlain (his former band) lyrics I just feel like his words describe how someone who feels deeply for someone should express them self. I'm left wishing that someone would express them self like that for me or that I would be able to express myself like that for someone.

"If there's anything you need, please you just leave it all up to me..."
"We spent two eternal days just the way that they all oughta be...."
" I miss the weight of your eyes, when yer sneaking glances..."

I know it's all kinda corny but in my mind feelings like that only come up in some ideal of someone that I'll never be with. To have someone that you could actually say those words and feel that way about would be incredible. That would be love. I've been in love before but this would be,in the words of Steve Winwood a "higher love"



"I wish that I could tell you
Everything you need to hear
So you would know where you belong
You would rise like a song from this carnival of fear
If only you could see
The way that you shine
And that the day would rewind
When all is said and done you would finally be mine.
And I know that you’ve been hurting
and you don’t know who to blame.
But let down your fear
I will pour out my spirit into the wounds you have made
Is it breaking you down?"

On my side of the street

I started this blog because I feel like I have a lot to say and I really need an outlet to say it. I spend my nights in bed thinking about what I really want to say but I really don't have anyone to say these things to. So here is this blog where I will put down these "profound" feelings.